how life turns out

It has been a very bad two years now coming up in February. After my father died, I had two knee surgeries and then got really really sick. So sick in fact, that according to my doctor, my health will continue to go down hill and I should not be working anymore. I am on oxygen 24/7 now, my lungs fill up with liquid alot, my body is misshapened because of all the water. I have thought seriously about ending things, but I haven't hit my lowest yet, YET! My work is trying to push me out the door, though I am still completing all my work in a timely manner and doing a good job at it. I am going to lose everything I have been working for paying doctor bills.
I was at a whining party, okay I was the only one there, and decided to call my mom. I was so upset about all this crap and then to find something in my armpit on top of it all. Well, I called my mom and started whining to her wondering why this is happening to me, what did I do to cause all this? I have helped so many people in my life, hoping that it would make my entrance into heaven easier. But why does my life on earth have to be hell? So this is my last year and a half:
*lost my father
*moved
*had two knees surgeries in four months
*started getting sick (delirious, memory loss, coughing horribly, falling asleep everywhere...)
*city inspector decided that I need to tear down every building my father had put up 30 years ago
*house ended up with a nice view in the kitchen once the firemen had come to check out the smoldering walls
*told the house was not livable ever again
*homeless
*found another house
*trying to move everything from one house to another and I cannot help
*told I have congestive heart failure, restrictive lung disease, enlarged heart
*told I need to take an extended leave from work and get on disability
*being shuffled around from doctor to doctor--so far about 8 doctors

found out yesterday one of my former friends died 12-7-11 (a really, really bad day for me)I had known this lady for almost 40 years, but she did me wrong and I never spoke to her again.

and now I sit and wait-wait for what? the end? the beginning? sure wish it were 12/21/12.