Saturday, June 5, 2010
TRIVIAL
Very trivial.... Been waiting all week for son #3 to go to a stupid graduation party so he could bring me home a piece of the graduation cake... In my mind I envisioned, store bought goodness, moist cake, THICK, fluffy, frosting... What did I get???? Dry, homemade with totally shitty THIN dry ass frosting!!!!
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To whom it may concern:
All these people are going to be wondering why? What could I have done? Well, I’m about to tell you part of the reason behind My actions.
I’m tired of struggling and in struggling I mean every way there is. Health, wealth, and happiness. It just seems when I fix something with my body another thing keeps me from becoming a healthy member of society. Oh yeah, all you people who think if I just would have gotten off my butt worked the weight off, nice. You are the people that piss me off, because I listen to it EVERY day, I’m the one that has had to endure the looks of disgust by children and adults alike. Do you know what that feels like? Fuck no you don’t. Do you think that I want to be the center of attention because I look like Jabba Da Hut? Next time, keep your comments to yourself; you don’t know what’s wrong with me or anyone. When you become a doctor, maybe then you can give me advice, just don’t keep telling people to push away from the table or why don’t you walk…when you walk in my shoes and feel the pain from the back to the lungs, then you fucking tell me how to do it.
And thanks to those “friends” that left me high and dry; the ones that took money and didn’t give a fuck what I was going through, just what you needed to do to ease your burden. LIARS! I hate liars and fuck you! Go cry yourself a fucking river for your problems and don’t you fucking worry about what I felt for you, because this should say it all. For those other friends that seemed to disappear when I got married, thank you. I went through hell, my girls and I struggled and it sure was nice to have you there. I can remember times when just years before, I was there for you, whenever you needed anything, I would drop what I was doing to help out. For all the times I came to your houses, how many times did you come to mine? For all the years I called to say hi, how many times did you call me? You know the road runs both ways? Fuck you too! I always thought I was a pretty good friend, I guess I was wrong. When I lived in Grand View, we had the same phone number for at least 10 years and I can guarantee you didn’t pick up to call. Yeah so when I moved to Mountain Home I didn’t want a phone, what the fuck for? Because I surely don’t want to talk to your ass.
I know we are all getting old and all have physical problems and have a life of our own, that includes husbands, kids, and grandkids, but that doesn’t mean we still couldn’t have picked up the phone once a month to say “Hey, how you doing, need any help? Let’s go do lunch.” I’m putting this language in here because they will know—Biker Bitch was only one who wanted to help. Her health is worse than mine, but she is still bucking the system and if me or mine needed help, her family was there to help. I wasn’t much of a friend because I had been alone for so long, I began to feel I really didn’t need anyone, anymore. But we all need someone to talk to, to relief stress, if that means listening to someone else’s problems, so your problems feel like nothing or just being a good friend, wanting to be there for your friend, not screwing them.
Then I started getting sicker. Here BB was aching, broken rib, bad back, over all, like she had been beaten by a gorilla hopped up on Red Bull. But what does she do? Clamps her lips shut and says ,
“What can I do to help you?” not any of this give me, give me. I hate being hooked up on oxygen 24/7 having what the doctor called “respiratory failure”, isn’t that a great name? And again, I question what the heck did we do to Karma to make her bite us in the ass like this? I don’t think I can believe in Karma anymore, because I know I have helped humanity out way more that others and I am still on the screwed end of the stick. Fuck you for all of a sudden realizing I’m sick too. If you knew me well enough, you would have known my health was not the greatest. And believe me, I don’t need you now.
Now for all those people that thought I should have been better in my marriage, nicer to my husband, more of a wife, more of a partnership. You are right about one thing, I didn’t put 100% into my marriage because let me tell you, he sure as fuck didn’t either. So next time you want to tell me how much better off he is with his wife, fuck you! I AM BETTER OFF! At least I don’t have his hands wrapped around my throat trying to kill me. At least he’s not hitting my kid(s) because they aren’t listening to him and showing him respect. That’s right, you have to earn respect DICKHEAD! Being a dick most days, doesn’t constitute you being a father. And why didn’t I want to be with you? I thought you were allergic to water, so few showers you took. Your fingers were always dirty, you were always grabbing your dick and balls moving them around because of the sweat (a shower would have helped relieve this). You didn’t know how to blow your nose and managed to walk around with buggars hanging out a lot. You stank badly. Now why the fuck would I want to rub up against you like that? You didn’t know how to brush your teeth regularly either. Oh and how about the time YOU brought home an STD, you dickhead, not me. When I married you, I thought I was getting a husband not another child. Having to pick up after you, an adult was not in my job description. Watching you throw a fit, lying on the ground pounding it with your fists and feet, brilliant, even our own child never did that. I don’t believe it was my place to make you shower or change your clothes, I hear those other women would make you….make you, you poor dickhead. I’m impressed you don’t have a nipple in your mouth all day, needing to cling to your mommy figure. You were embarrassed to be with me in public, you should have never married me. But then it wasn’t all me was it, you like those chunky chicks, so it’s more like you have the hang up. I loved you so much in the beginning, but came to dislike almost hate you, but I would rather not waste my energy doing that, you are not worth it. Now you are just vapors I would rather avoid for the rest of my life, cuz you make me sick.
Kids, kids, kids. I will tell you one really bad thing I did not teach you and that was manners in replying to gifts received, whether money or other. You should be grateful for getting what you get and reply accordingly. If money or other is sent to you, you should reply by mail back, expressing your gratitude. Another thing I had learned while growing up, if you have the energy to walk over trash, you have the energy to reach down and PICK IT UP! For fuck’s sake! How hard it that? When I worked at the Gear Jammer one of their rules was, if you walk OVER garbage, it’s automatic firing. What a great rule!!! I love it!! Sometimes I walk at see what must be massive invisible blinders on your eyes, because you must not be in the same room I am.
So FUCK THE WORLD and all you insignificant ants tooling around. Fuck those people in my past that actually bent me over, I will not lose more time on you. Fuck all those people who thought they knew me…I had you going for a while, because I would never show you who I really am, do you think I am that stupid?
Thanks for nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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