I am

Throughout my marriage my ex used to call me a worthless human being. I tried standing up and saying that I was a good mother, I was a good person, I was a good friend, but I couldn't be a good wife, not to him. I wanted to be a wife, not a mother of a 30 year old. I shouldn't ever have to tell an adult to take a bath, when it had been weeks from the last one.

It took only a phone call to #3 daughter to make me feel like the worthless mother I didn't think I was. I am tired of trying to please people. I have given my kids the best of what I could. It may not have been up the their expectations, but it was the best I had. Apparently I gave birth to mosquitoes that need to suck me dry. Not monetarily, but emotionally.

It's hard sometimes to stand on the sidelines and watch as life just passes by, more swiftly than ever before. It's not that I want to have some spectacular life, but I wish things were just, more easy. To have my health back, would be worth more than winning the lottery. Of course if I won the lottery, I think I could get back much of my health with money being spent at the right doctors.

Being a worthless mother has made me see, that I am in fact, a worthless friend, and not a very nice person. To be a good person you must care about others and it is kinda hard for me to get out of my own world, to feel something about someone else.

So there you go, I am what I am.