TODAY I HATE PEOPLE...

Just the mood I'm in today.. Started with going to the doc with #3 son, thru construction and half way out of my way only to boomerang back because son #3 didn't bring the ONE thing I asked him to remember, his medicine bottle so the doc could do the refill on it.. This would be his LIFE SAVING medication.. He can't remember the bottle but he can remember anything and everything that has to do with his "Flavor of the Month!"  I'm so fed up with him and his drama involving his girlfriends and/or friends.. Every girl is THE one.. Every girl he is madly, deeply, passionately in love with, every girl he must have sex with!!!  I have 2 grandsons already, I really don't need one from my 16 yr. old!!!  More to the point, I DON'T WANT HIM RUINING HIS LIFE!!!!! - My head hurts just thinking about it...
I also managed to offend my new boyfriend/fiance's daughter... How you may ask????  Simply by asking her HOW THE SUMMER JOB HUNT was going!!!!  She's 25 and never had a fucking job!!!!!!  I started working, technically, at age 11, striping parking lots with my neighbor across the street who had a striping company, 11 yrs. old, pushing and riding on those machines just keeping the line straight, ELEVEN MOTHER FUCKING YEARS OLD!!!!  I'm sorry if I thought MAYBE a TWENTY-FIVE YR. OLD MIGHT BE LOOKING FOR A JOB!!!!!!! - So, she deleted me and her Dad off of her FB account but we weren't the only ones.. Apparently she also deleted her Mom and her Mom's boyfriend too.. She just needs a break from all things parental right now... Seems to me she's had a break from all things parental her whole life!!!!  But who the fuck am I, what the fuck do I know???? - Again, my head hurts just thinking about it..
Unfortunately, my day has not been much better as I realize I can't make my bills.. I just can't, and every fucking time I turn around, something is higher, there's a new fee added... I'm just ready to be like my ex out in Alaska and live as a hermit, he has a house, he has vehicles, he shoots his own food, he doesn't work above board, he only has 3 bills.. I'm so with him.. Shows you what a shitty day I've had.. I'm actually agreeing with the son of a bitch who beat the fuck out of me and ran me over when I was 8 months pregnant...
Now I don't feel like talking to my boyfriend/fiance', not because of him... He is wonderful and kind and gentle.. He works, he has morals and values and truly is a man of honor... I just know me and talking right now would not be in the best interest of our relationship.. My mouth will open and the ugliness of the world that I'm feeling right now will come flying out and I don't want that directed at him.  He's done nothing wrong..
In other news, it's fucking hot and I don't like hot.. Granted it's not in the 90's like it has been, actually it's cooled down into the 70's but I've been standing over hot dish water, a hot stove, hot cleaning water.. I laid down to take a nap and dosed for about 30 minutes...
And, am I the only fucking person in this whole house that knows how to do laundry or sweep a floor?????
I'm done now... I just want to sleep...
Luv - Your BFF
P.S. - What would I do without you?????

lost without LOST

OMG! I just finished watching the series LOST. It lasted 6 years and made me cry many times over the years. Today's was much different, because it seemed like I couldn't quit crying. It helped that I started a marathon of watching all the LOST episodes that I have missed, meaning I had to watch 18 episodes in 2 days. It was well worth it to watch the finale and understand completely what was going on.

I feel like friends are gone never to return again. You become wrapped up with the characters and cheer and jeer them on through the seasons. With this last episode, it clearly showed that all the characters that were there, died and met in this place (at the end) where all of them could be together, because they had shared such a momenteous time in their lives together. They were happy to be together again, some meeting after many years of being apart.

WOW, the tears just keep rolling thinking about it. But it's good to cry, at least I am letting it out.

I am

Throughout my marriage my ex used to call me a worthless human being. I tried standing up and saying that I was a good mother, I was a good person, I was a good friend, but I couldn't be a good wife, not to him. I wanted to be a wife, not a mother of a 30 year old. I shouldn't ever have to tell an adult to take a bath, when it had been weeks from the last one.

It took only a phone call to #3 daughter to make me feel like the worthless mother I didn't think I was. I am tired of trying to please people. I have given my kids the best of what I could. It may not have been up the their expectations, but it was the best I had. Apparently I gave birth to mosquitoes that need to suck me dry. Not monetarily, but emotionally.

It's hard sometimes to stand on the sidelines and watch as life just passes by, more swiftly than ever before. It's not that I want to have some spectacular life, but I wish things were just, more easy. To have my health back, would be worth more than winning the lottery. Of course if I won the lottery, I think I could get back much of my health with money being spent at the right doctors.

Being a worthless mother has made me see, that I am in fact, a worthless friend, and not a very nice person. To be a good person you must care about others and it is kinda hard for me to get out of my own world, to feel something about someone else.

So there you go, I am what I am.

blah, blah, blah

I could go on and on about how crappy I feel, but what’s the point. Nothing has changed, so we will get out of the way. Work, too, is same old, same old. I am not happy that summer is here, because it just shows me how much I can’t do on my own. Pisses me off, but I have to say thank goodness for daughter #1, she has been a great helper. It was funny one day how she said she didn’t know what she would do without me, hahaha.


I was just a hair upset on mother’s day when I found out later in the afternoon, that daughter #3 was at the ex’s parent’s house. IT WAS MOTHER’S DAY FOR GOD’S SAKES! She didn't tell me she was going up there, she called once early in the  morning and left a message on the phone for me, but that was it.Oh but I was livid. I actually confronted her today in regards to it. She told me she was upset about something else and I jumped her, telling her that what she did, by being with the ex's family,  was paramount to me spending the day with the ex-boy toy she hated so much, on her birthday. She shut her mouth and didn’t say another word. Oh how the ex must have been gloating that she was there and not with me.

And then to kind of top it all, she drops off that dog that was so sick on Friday, she hasn’t been back to see it or take care of it. I have had to clean up diarrhea and vomit all over my house. It's not like I can bend over to clean up that great. Since the vet, though, he has gotten better, but that was a good couple of hundred out of my wallet. Now, #1 daughter has been over lots, especially when I am at work, to let him out, she helped take him to the vet, she has been there. Her boys love the dog, but he is a good dog, he actually talks to you too.

Sleep is almost nonexistent now. It’s getting harder and harder to sleep. And I am soooo dreading the hot weather that will be here coming this weekend. I have never been able to take naps during the day, now I can fall asleep at work during lunch, fairly easy. I even just gave in and took one of the many pillows my dad had here, to work.

The move will be here faster than I am ready for it. I am so not ready to get all that shit up here. I don’t want most of it, so I will really have to go thru the stuff.

Here’s a funny one, my mother showed up on mother’s day to help weed my yard, because I couldn’t do it. I was crying trying to pull weeds, I can’t get on the ground, I can’t bend over, I can’t squat, it sucks!!!

Well, enough whining from the fat chick…gonna go.

Your BBF

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY A.K.A. THANX BITCH! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

So today would've been my 18th wedding anniversary to the guy my best friend Carol introduced me to one late night at a dark n' dusty bar, location to be disclosed only as in, "the wild, wild, west."  And what a "wild" ride it was, thanx bitch!  And actually I do mean that, thank you.. I can't even imagine where my life would've gone, what I would be doing now, the people I wouldn't have met, the children I wouldn't have had!!! An unbelievable ride and altho I'm sure they're must've been some darkened alley ways along this path, I remember them not.. I only remember the sun shining so brightly, children near, friends so dear.. Why else would I be here???  I love you my BFF and forever will.

Reality check - I'm sick, go to the doc tomorrow, probably strep, ugh! My new boyfriend is tryng to pinpoint a time to see me and I get it but I'm not ready just yet and have no idea when I will be, perhaps after tomorrow, don't care about my weight, that why they make spanx but I'd like to get my teeth worked on..

I love you.. I feel like shit, we're shitty bloggers but we like it that way and everyone else can fuck off.. Not that we have any followers.. That may be another post... What the fuck peeps? We're not good enough to follow? Fuck y'all's!  Oooppss... Too ghetto... Hahahahahhahahaha!